


worlds inside of me

by saphinias



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Canon, Eating Disorders, M/M, binge eating, it mentions some canon stuff, kind of
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-07-29
Updated: 2014-10-20
Packaged: 2018-02-10 23:46:59
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,464
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2044761
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/saphinias/pseuds/saphinias
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes Louis eats so much he puts himself in pain, and Harry never knows what to do.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. when to stop

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Louis binge eats sometimes and it sucks, but it hasn't happened in a long time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Basically there are like two Louis binge eating fics ever, and a million anorexic Louis fics, so this is evening the score a bit and also catering to anybody else who's wanted this. (Just me? Okay.)
> 
> Please heed the tags and do not read this if it would be triggering for you to do so.
> 
> Also, this is based solely on my own personal experiences, no other research was done. With that in mind, enjoy!

The bad days start out like any other.

Louis made himself and Harry tea while the other boy cooked.  Today it was fried eggs and toast for breakfast.  A half an hour after that Louis got up from checking his twitter to toast a few more slices of the good French bread that they had.  Harry left for the day while Louis was eating his so-called "second breakfast".

"I'll be back at fiveish," Harry said, heaving himself up from the couch, as if he didn't want to leave.

"What are you up to besides shopping, then?" Louis asked, mouth full of buttered bread.  Harry smiled at him because apparently talking with his mouthful was endearing.

"Meeting up with Nick, he feels neglected, apparently," Harry grinned and shrugged.  

Louis snorted, "I'm sure.  Well, have fun and all that."

Harry leaned down and kissed him on the cheek, "Love you."

"Love you, too."  Louis watched Harry walk to the door before he interrupted him, remembering something, "Oh hey, do you wanna bring home something for dinner?  I don't feel like cooking."

"Sure, I'll pick up something on my way home," Harry said over his shoulder.

"Thank you!"

"Bye, Lou," Harry called.

The door shut and suddenly Louis realized he was out of food again.

 

-

 

Seven hours later Louis was still sat on the couch, munching on granola bars while HGTV played on tv.  Suddenly he heard the door swing open and Harry trip over Louis' shoes in the entrance way.  Absurdly, Louis panicked.  Harry couldn't see all the food he'd eaten today, and the evidence was strewn around him like a crime scene.  So he stuffed all of the wrappers between the couch cushions and hoped Harry wouldn't notice the guilty look on his face.

Louis heard Harry throw his keys in the bowl.  

"Louis?" Harry called.

"In the living room," Louis answered.

Harry appeared in the doorway and smiled.

"Hey, what are you watching?  Anything good?" Harry asked, and sat down next to him.  The couch crinkled like the sound of dozens of wrappers being sat on at once.  Which, was exactly what it was.  Harry's forehead wrinkled in confusion and he stuck his hand in between the couch cushions, and pulled out a few wrappers that had been stuffed there.  Harry turned toward him.  "Louis?"

Louis doesn't answer, just brings his knees up to his chest to hide his stomach, to hide more evidence.

"Louis," Harry says again, "Have you been okay today?"  Harry discards the wrappers in favor of holding Louis' knees.

"Yeah, fine.  Just hungry," Louis says.  One look in Harry's eyes and Louis knows he doesn't believe him.  Why would he?  Harry knows that isn't the truth.

"Lou, honestly.  How's your stomach feeling, is it okay?" Harry asks.  Louis' cheeks burn in embarrassment.

"I'm not gonna vomit, okay?  I'm fine," Louis snaps at him.  Harry isn't phased.  Louis pauses for a moment, then asks, "What did you bring for dinner?"

"Pizza, olive and feta," Harry answers.  

Louis gets up from the couch, "Let's eat, then."

Harry doesn't get up from the couch.  "Louis, stop.  You don't have to," he says.  

"I can eat whatever I want to, and I want pizza, sounds great.  Let's eat, Harry," Louis insists.  Pizza does sounds really good, even if he's already full.

"Are you sure you're hungry?" Harry asks, trying to dissuade him.  But Louis knows that's as far as Harry will go in trying to control Louis' intake, so he doesn't answer him.

 

- 

 

Later Louis knows he has to stop, mid-bite of an ice cream bar.  He throws it in the bin with the wrappers of everything else he'd eaten after dinner, and heads to their bedroom instead.  Harry's in the shower, so Louis just strips and grabs one of Harry's tshirts to sleep in.  He curls up under their sheets and he waits for it to start hurting.

When Harry opens the bathroom door ten minutes later, Louis almost cries in relief.  

"Harry, can you please -" Louis stops because Harry immediately slips under the covers and wraps himself around Louis.

"How bad?" Harry asks, and starts rubbing his side under the tshirt.  Louis nearly whimpers.

"Bad," Louis admits, and Harry knows it really is bad because usually when this happens Louis says "okay".

"Lou, I'm sorry.  Would it help if you...?" Harry trailed off, not wanting to ask out loud.  Louis shook his head.

"Probably, but I don't want to vomit."  Louis tries to uncurl but that just hurts more.  "I hate this, I'm so stupid."

He could feel Harry shaking his head.  "You're not, you're not stupid.  I'm sorry, I shouldn't have left this morning."

"It's not your fault, Haz.  I'm just a little fucked up," Louis says, and he's never felt smaller.  Never felt smaller than where he is right now.

"I just, I hate seeing you like this.  I wanna help but I don't want to control what you eat," Harry says.  "I just don't know what to do."

"Me neither," Louis admits.  

"It's less frequent though, have you noticed?  First time this year, and it's almost August.  That's good," Harry muses.

"Yeah," is all Louis says, because he doesn't want to think about how he was with this in August and September of last year.  Louis guesses Harry is thinking the same thing because he kisses his neck and cautiously holds him tighter.

"I love you," Harry says.

Louis grips Harry's hands and helps him closer, "I love you, too."


	2. where to start

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Louis may have accidentally binged.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uh, surprise this is the sequel? Possibly more to come in the future?
> 
> This contains mentions of binge eating and food. Please heed the tags and do not read this if it would be triggering to do so, I want you all to be happy and healthy. 
> 
> Disclaimer: I am not an expert and I have only my own experiences to draw from.

When Harry walked into the bedroom he was faced with the sight of Louis, curled up and crying, naked except for his socks.  Harry immediately drops his things and rushes to his side.

“I didn’t even eat that much today, H, I swear, I swear I don’t know why it hurts, I thought I was good today, honest,” Louis sputters.  Harry shushes him and toes off his shoes.  He pulls back the sheets and carefully climbs in beside him.  

“Do you want to tell me what you ate today?  Or do you want to sleep?  Whatever you want, Lou,” Harry murmurs.  Louis stops crying and thinks back on his day, and Harry counts Louis not crying as a win.

“Nothing for breakfast, ramen for lunch, two frozen waffle things, the ones with the chocolate chips you know, and some cheese ravioli from a few nights ago,” Louis recounts.  “That was it, I swear.”

Harry nods and pets Louis’ hair, “I know, you wouldn’t lie, I know.  When did it start hurting?”

“After dinner, or maybe during, I don’t remember,” Louis replied.

Harry frowned.  “Maybe it was the ravioli, maybe you’ve got food poisoning.”

Louis is silent for a few minutes, and his panicked breaths even out under Harry’s calming presence.

“I’ve got a problem, Harry.”  Harry didn’t say anything, just kept petting his hair.  “I panicked about food poisoning because I thought I accidentally binged.”  Harry still didn’t say anything, just pulled the sheets over Louis’ small, shaking form.  “What am I going to do on tour?”  Louis was crying again.

“We,” Harry started, “are going to be just fine on tour.  We are going to figure this out.  We are going to tell each other when things get bad, and it’s going to be okay.  Yeah?”

Louis nodded.  “Okay.  I need you to promise me something.”

“Anything,” Harry said.

“I want you to promise to tell me when I’ve had enough.  I’ll stop if you tell me to, I know I will,” Louis said.

Harry pulled back to look at Louis properly.  He shook his head, “No.  That’s too dangerous for us and for you.”

“You said anything, Harry,” Louis protested.

“Not that.  What happens when your eating habits rely on me?  What happens when you can’t stop without my say so?  What happens when you can’t go to a meal without me for fear of not being able to control yourself?  Absolutely not, I won’t do it.”

“Harry, _please_ , help me,” Louis begged, reached out for him but Harry moved away.

“I have no fucking clue what I’m doing here, Lou.  You need real, professional help.  I love you and I will always, always love you, but I can’t fix you.  You need to fix you, and I’ll be right here to help.  Okay?” Harry asked.

Louis starts crying again, but nods.  “I know I need to fix me.  I just don’t know where to start, I just, I don’t know _why_ -”  Harry pulled him back into his chest.

“We’ll figure it out.  We’ll figure it all out.  But let’s sleep right now, okay?  Let’s just sleep.  Louis nodded and settled in against Harry’s chest, tears slowing and breaths evening back out once again.  Harry kissed the crown of Louis’ head, “Love you.”  Louis was already snoring.


End file.
